i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
