there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My vagina just recognized that song.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize