guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
