I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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