I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
