im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
