I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
