Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
