HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
