whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You smell like stripper and shame
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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