Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
