Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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