I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
