I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
