Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
