"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
BRING THE BAGELS
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
