your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
