The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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