Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
