I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
