I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
