well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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