It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
