the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
