Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My dick has a subreddit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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