so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
