Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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