Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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