i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
