My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize