idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
