god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
