My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she looked like the before picture.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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