If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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