Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
