If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
