Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
