There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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