neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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