Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
