oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
