Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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