So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
