Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
