No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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