Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize