I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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