wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
