Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
