am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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