My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
