one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
