Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
