plz talk dirty to me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
