I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
