I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
