How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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