apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
