I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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