Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
