You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
