Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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