Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
