Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
