I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
