I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
