I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
