Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Watching her eat just hurts me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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