She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
