We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize