When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
